Be still, my soul.

Risk more than others think is safe.

Being a young American girl in a foreign country, it seemed as if everything was a risk. I enrolled in a dance class the entire way across the city and walked home by myself at 10:30 PM twice a week. I made new friends and went to their apartment to watch fútbol or have dinner. I ventured out on my own at 1:30 AM to meet up with an española from my dance class and all her friends. I had to use my own judgment about every situation and take risks to build the close relationships I have today.

I went to Barcelona the weekend before midterms. I met up with friends on many school nights. I didn’t make homework and my classes the center of my life as I have for the past four semesters. I did the work, but I didn’t worry about it on weekend trips or when I was out with friends.

I indulged in the Spanish culture - soaking up the food, the language, and the social norms. Although there were times when I wondered if I should be holding myself back from going places by myself or studying instead of socializing, I ultimately made the decision to risk it and see what happened. And I don’t regret a single moment of it.

Care more than others think is wise.

Studying abroad put me in a situation I have struggled with before at Hope College. I was thrust into relationships that I won’t know how to maintain after next Friday. At least if I move back to Pennsylvania after graduating from Hope my friends are only a 12 hour road trip away. Here? Not quite so accessible.

Every dance class forms some sort of family. We see each other on good days and bad days, we hear each other get criticized and praised, we watch each other grow artistically and physically. The advanced jazz class at Sevilla Dance Center has provided a place for me to move, to laugh, and to just be part of the family for a semester. I had even been choreographed into their piece for their show in January, only to have to be replaced by a girl from one of other classes. It seems stupid – I’ve done countless shows in my life, most of them more sophisticated and better organized. Nevertheless, knowing I’m not going to be there with them on stage still hurts. I had to help the new girl learn my lifts and spacing, all the while wishing I could’ve just stayed in the first place.

Then there is my señora, “mi madre” for the semester and also the most adorable Spanish woman ever. She helped me when I had questions, bought her favorite dulces to share with me, and waited for me after class everyday to eat lunch together. We’ve laughed together over the fact that every American TV show that the Spaniards watch is related to murder in some way (NCIS, Cold Case, Law and Order…) and talked seriously about the cultural norms, good and bad, of Spain. I help her on a regular basis with her computer research for her adult class at the University and she lovingly tells our cleaning lady, her friends, and her daughter about her hija (daughter) who is her maestra de la ordeanador (computer teacher). Although I have a wonderful family to go back to, I know I will miss our lunches, our conversations, and the way she cares for me above and beyond the expectations of a host mother.

Also, during the second half of the semester I have spent a great deal of time with Gabri, who I met through Ramón, the intercambio of Molly, my closest friend from CIEE. (Got the connection?) He’s showed me around the city, taken me out with his friends to watch the Barcelona vs. Madrid fútbol game (Spain’s superbowl), and helped me a great deal with my Spanish. (The last part may be because he doesn’t speak any English… it’s somewhat a do or die situation). We’ve become good friends and we have a lot of fun together. But again, I’m leaving December 17^th, whether I like it or not. And it’s discouraging to know our friendship cannot truly be maintained. Communication barriers, which already exist, are doubled across Skype or Facebook messaging. Plus, Hershey isn’t exactly a weekend trip from Jérez.

Even Molly, who attends school at University of Wisconsin, will be difficult to keep track of. We have spent entire weeks together: eating, sleeping, studying, talking, and who knows what else. I plan to visit her at some point next semester before she graduates, but we won’t have the same experiences to laugh about or stories to swap about our crazy Spaniards.

But despite all of this, I dare to care. I was able to develop meaningful relationships with Spaniards, my señora, and other CIEE students. I have guarded my heart carefully for many years and although I continued to retain perspective, I didn’t hold back quite so much while making friends this semester. Now, I am trying to be thankful for the way these people have helped me grow as a person instead of sad that I’m leaving them in less than a week.

Dream more than others think is practical.

I dream that this is not the end, but rather than the beginning. I have fallen in love with Spanish, the language and the insights that can be learned from another culture. I hope that after I graduate, I have the opportunity to continue this learning experience while teaching English or teaching Science in an English school.

Right now, I’m young and free to explore the world without having to worry about many ties in the United States. Although I think it would be hard to leave my family for more than a semester, I can’t even begin to explain all the blessings and lessons I’ve encountered over such a short period of time.

I have an itch. I can no longer imagine myself in the practical, typical lifestyle right out of college. I need to see what more the world can show me.

Expect more than others think is possible.

I expect to be able to experience new things, while always remaining true to myself. I expect to experience, without concrete expectations.

I was walking down the street to the University of Sevilla the other day, wondering how in the world I even got here. A year ago I was a chemistry major - planning out my hospital volunteering, my schedule of Biochemistry and Statistics, and shadows at local offices to be the best candidate I could possibly be for medical school. How did I transform into a Spanish education student who left all her friends and family to go to Spain for a semester? I never actually expected to study abroad, but all the pieces fell in to place perfectly for me to return to my favorite city in Spain.

I don’t think a moment of this semester was an accident. I know God has had a plan for my life all along and had been pushing my buttons, trying to get me to realize that I was not meant to be a doctor. He presented opportunities for me to get involved with teaching ESL, study abroad, and apply for a scholarship program after graduation to teach. I have no idea where I am going next, but I’m no longer limiting myself to what I always imagined my life to be: grow up, go to college, get a steady job near Hershey, and get married. I’m expecting some surprises, and I don’t think I will even try to guess what they will be.

Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.

The other day I rediscovered a hymn we have used over the past 2 years with Sacred Dance. And it never ceases to amaze me how something written in the 17th century can describe utterly and completely the emotions and hopes I have today.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving. -Lao Tzu

Molly and I embarked on our latest, and last, journey at an hour all too frequent for us... 5:40 AM.

We met in the Plaza de Cuba, took a taxi to the train station, took the train to Madrid, took a taxi from the train station to the airport, and finally got on our plane to Dublin. Or so we thought.

After about a two hour flight we descended for landing and in one of the last moments, began to ascend once again. The flight attendant came over the speakers saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, it seems the pilot has decided not to land. We aren't sure why but we will let you know once we find out." Just a hint, RYANAIR, that is not what you say to keep an airplane full of people calm while you continue to fly for an hour before landing in Shannon, Ireland.

Dónde estamos?

Therefore, we had to get on a bus to go BACK to the Dublin airport which was a nice 3 hour bus ride. Good thing Molly and I have lots of experience with buses. We gathered some provisions from the airport store to hold us over along the way...

Junk food, junk food, and more junk food.

Luckily the food got better as the week went on. Also even though the song says, 'Wherever you go // no matter how far // you'll always find a Hershey bar', I find it is:
a) Not true - we don't have them in Spain.
b) Not the same quality - this Cookies n' Cream bar tasted like cardboard.

Thankfully, we finally made it back to the airport via bus (through snow, sleet, and hail) where we took another bus and then a taxi to get to our hostel, which was actually really sweet.

These dragons were painted all along the winding staircase in the center of the hostel

We checked into the hostel and scurried off to dinner before the Brazen Head (a pub our hostel suggested) stopped serving dinner at 9 PM. They definitely eat much sooner than the Spaniards... who don't even open sometimes until 8 PM. Molly and I shared the most delicious fried brie with cranberry relish and then sausage with mashed potatoes and gravy in a bread bowl. Unfortunately we had both forgotten our cameras but we remembered it later on... and for the rest of the week we pretended like we were food bloggers. Hence the following pictures of wonderful food :)

Apple blackberry crumble at Queen of Tarts in Dublin

Tortellini in Pisa

Bruschetta in Florence

Nutella stuffed donut in Florence

Once we got there though, Dublin was a complete success. There was snow, Christmas lights, and carols in the streets. Everything to remind me that Christmas was coming and what it felt like to know completely the language of the country, minus the troublesome accents.

On Thursday Molly and I ventured out on a 3 hour tour (sing it like Gilligan's Island!) in the snow and around the city to see the sites of Dublin. We probably would've liked it a little more if we could've felt our feet but it was fun regardless. Some highlights of the outing:

Entrance to the Dublin Castle

Oldest bridge in Dublin

The center "green" of Trinity College

Richard with yet another statue...

That evening we went on a pub crawl with the same company, which was fun since there were other people from our hostel on it too. We made friends pretty quickly and it was cool to see a bunch of pubs in Ireland, from modern microbreweries to older bars with celtic bands.

The next day we went on a tour of the Guinness storehouse, which is a popular attraction in Dublin. However, they take their beer seriously there and Molly and I didn't have quite the same interest as the other visitors. But by the end we made it to the Gravity Bar, where we could see all of Dublin. I also managed to get find out that you could get 2 sodas in place of the one Guinness... I had discovered in the taste test that I wasn't a huge fan. Winner!

Molly, preparing herself for her Guinness Stout.

View of Dublin from the Gravity Bar

On Saturday we continued on to Pisa, where we checked into a rather odd Asian-inspired hostel (Molly likes to pick them with 'character') and ventured on to the Leaning Tower to take the mandatory tourist shots.

Oh you know, holding up the Tower of Pisa.

Just one other of the extensive photo shoot Molly and I had...

Last but not least, we went to took the train to Florence to enjoy the sites of another city in Italy for two days. Since Florence is the city of museums, we tried to visit the Uffizi Gallery on Sunday since it (along with all the other museums) is normally closed on Monday. Unfortunately what we found was this:

Yes, the Europeans decided to strike once again. (Did I mention that the air traffic controllers in Spain went on strike the day after we left the country?)

Since the museums were on strike, Molly and I had to get creative and find some other interesting elements of the city. So we wandered, walked, ate, relaxed, and just enjoyed the general feeling of being in Italy.

Il Duomo - church near the center of Florence

One of many statues near the Uffizi

Check out the local talent... this man played the base drum with his steps!

Molly the snow bunny trying on a sweet hat at the Christmas market.

Michelangelo's tomb

The best view in Florence, even with the cloudy weather!

Throughout the past week, Molly and I fully enjoyed eating and site-seeing, but also taking the time to relax, update our blogs, and keep up with school work. Neither of us wanted to return Sevilla swamped with schoolwork and unable to enjoy our final week and a half.

This trip continued to teach me patience and flexibility - two themes of my semester. I realized once again that I can not be in total control of my situations and that I must learn to enjoy myself, no matter what unexpected events occur. Including snowstorms and strikes. I also realized the importance of home throughout the week. I missed my current home, Sevilla, and my family home, Hershey, PA, for one of the first times this semester. In Italy we were put in situations where we didn't know how to communicate - a problem we have been working past all semester. In Ireland we were surrounded by the normalites of the Christmas season - but without our friends and families. These situations seemed to be the opposite of what I had been working towards all semester.

The next 10 days are going to be difficult. I'm trying to live out each and every moment while balancing final papers, exams, and ever-fluctuating emotions. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers for me as I wrap up this semester. I hope to end it with a sense of peace: thankfulness for all that has happened over the past 4 months, but thankfulness for what I am returning to in the United States.

I'll see you all soon enough.
Much love from Spain,
Amber

I'd love-lock Sevilla if I could.

Recap: Madre en España!

As many of you know, my mom and I had a fantastic week together in Sevilla. Here's a brief recap of all the fun we had...

What we did. Everything on our list! We saw the touristy stuff, but I also walked my poor mother all over God's creation of Sevilla to see the local markets, my house, and my schools. (I just didn't want her to have to worry about the massive amounts of olive oil she was consuming... I know, I know. I'm a nice daughter.) We had time to sit and relax but we managed to stay busy up until the last day. Mission accomplished.

Mom practicing her mid-life crisis career. She's going to move to Spain and fight bulls!

Flamenco show, obvi. We even got to see a bata de cola (a special technique for when the woman dances with the long dress) which was awesome.

Our day trip to Ronda was great, despite the rain all day. We saw the gorge, had paella and sangria, and window shopped. Literally window shopped since siesta closed all the stores while we were there. Then we finished the day off with a cup of tea. I had chocolate mint and Mom had cinnamon. Perfect way to end the week :)

What we ate. Oh my goodness, what didn't we eat? I "made" Mom try all the typical Spanish foods - from salmorejo (a cold tomato soup) to fried fish to my favorite chocolate croissant. I know, its a rough life. It was all delicious and it was kind of fun to go out for bigger meals in Sevilla. Up until last week I had only gone out to eat for tapas but it was cool to see what restaurants considered the most typical Spanish meals.

Dulces from La Campaña, the best known confitería in Sevilla. Tea cookies and a delicious chocolate and peanut cake-ish sandwich with cream in the middle. Mmmmmm.

Paella. 'Nuf said.

Probably one of my favorite plates. This was the first course of a menu del día at a small restaurant in Triana. Its a lightly breaded eggplant dish with an amazing creamy tomato sauce.

What we bought.

Beautiful leather boots. They actually stretched them to fit me perfectly at the store. I'm living my mom's dream of classy, tall boots with leggings and big sweaters. Again, rough life I have. More like blessed beyond belief that I have parents so giving and a lifestyle so easy.

Truffles, chocolate covered orange, caramels, nougat, OH MY! We are going to have some good sweets on Christmas Eve this year! We also managed to sample pretty much everything in the store. That's the way to do it.

Overall, it was a wonderful week. But I did have to spend the weekend recuperating a little: catching up on e-mails, writing final papers, and taking my long-lost siestas. On Sunday I got up and went to the same church I had gone to earlier in the semester. (I feel like its necessary to mention that on the walk there I passed about 4 accordion players. It was like I was in some sort of movie set to an odd soundtrack...) This time I got there a little early and was greeted with an overwhelming welcome; even the pastor noticed I had come in by myself and made a point to come over and say 'Hello' - or rather 'Hola' :)

This loving atmosphere, the way the members contribute actively to the service, the time to really listen to the message without rushing out the door for a dance rehearsal or a choir practice... to me this is a beautiful representation of the church. It makes me really miss Ken and Yvonne, my church family at Calvary in Holland, MI. Because as I'm getting older I realize the church is not the building or the organization, but the people who foster meaningful relationships with one another, supporting each other and building each other up. There are certain things that I look forward to when I think of next semester and one of them is definitely going back to church and bagels at Calvary. I miss my weekly chat with my "Michigan parents" and being active in my church relationships. Because although I've excitedly entered new communities while abroad, there are some things that can not be replaced.

Well I think that's all for now - I'm currently sitting in my hostel in Dublin, Ireland with snow covered side walks, Christmas carols in the streets, and some of the most beautiful Christmas lights I've ever seen. This next week will be like visiting Epcot - I'll see 3 different countries decorated for Christmas!

But more on that later... for now I'm off to experience it :)

And be thankful.

¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:15-17

Sometimes I forget that the real world is still going on without me. I honestly don't even feel like today is Thanksgiving. I'm used to spending the morning at Dad's, indulging myself in pancakes and sticky buns - then going up to Mom's to further stuff myself with spinach dip, baked corn, turkey, and mashed potatoes. Today is a day to be filled with food and surrounded by family and family friends. To be filled with thanksgiving and surrounded by love.

But this semester I can't sit down at the table with you for dinner. I can't hang out on the couch watching the parade. However, I still want to take the time to reflect on all the blessings I've been given. And I want to share with you all a few things I am particularly thankful for this semester.

Technology. Facebook, skype, e-mail: I've never really been far from home. Throughout the semester I have been able to stay updated on everything: from the chapels at Hope College to the play-by-play of my little sister's soccer games, video chats with my parents to conversations with with future employers. I'm thankful that I have been able to leave without losing contact with those who are most important to me.

Good food. Croquetas, pastries, salmoreja: I have become truly interested in food this semester. I have entirely enjoyed trying so many new things and learning about the cultural foods of each city and country I have visited so far.

Lamb chops in olive oil and garlic with broiled potatoes and tomatoes.

CIEE. Honestly, I don't think this program could get any better. They helped us get oriented in the city and have kept us active throughout the semester without being overbearing. We've had optional excursions around Sevilla every week in addition to 5 day/overnight trips to other cities around Spain. I really felt like they helped us become educated about the culture of Andalusia and allowed us to have fun along the way.

Dance. To quote the Little Mermaid, "Dancing is a language that is felt instead of heard." It breaks language barriers and has provided an opportunity for me to yet again meet and connect with new people. Although the dance studios are tiny and my teacher thinks Brittany Spears in current pop music, I love the opportunity to dance every week in Sevilla.

New friends. I couldn't have asked for a better American friend for the semester - someone with whom I can joke and have serious conversations. I've enjoyed having someone I could depend on but who is also independent so that we could both really get involved this semester. I was also lucky enough to get to know some great Spaniards. Both Nadia (from my jazz class at the Dance Center of Sevilla) and Gabri (friend of Ramón, Molly's intercambio) have been so welcoming and willing to deal with my fumbles through the language to really get to know me. All semester I have fully enjoyed my exploration of Sevilla and the Andalusian culture with such great company.

Molly and I in Morocco

Old friends. I'm thankful for the notes, facebook messages, and skype dates from my friends from Hope and Hershey. It feels good to know I am in your thoughts, despite being 6 time zones away. I have learned the love of friends who care about me and am thankful I have you all to return home to in December.

Curiosity. I am young and eager to explore life. I am willing to make mistakes but learn from them. I willing to try new things and not be afraid that I won't like it. I am thankful to be experiencing such a different culture during this season of my life. I'm not always sure who I am or who I will be but I believe my curiosity is allowing me to experience all there is to offer to make the best decisions possible for my future.

Home... Family. Having my mom here has made me realize that no matter what, I have a wonderful home and family to come back to. There are some comforts of home that can never be replaced and although I am not eager to leave Sevilla, I know I am going back to loving environment that will welcome me with open arms.

Mom and Dad. I have no idea how you did it. You raised four children and I think we all turned out pretty well :) You have made me into the lady I am today and have always encouraged me to try new things with all my might. You've always made me feel like I could succeed at whatever I attempted and have provided the means for me to try again and again. There's not much more I can say than thanks. And I love you.

This week has been wonderful - I am thankful to have gotten to experience my worlds combined. It was amazing to see my mom meet my host mom and friends, wait for me after class, and eat at my favorite restaurants. But at this point, I am also thankful that I have three more weeks. Because who knows what adventures that time will bring?

Me with both my señora with my mom :)

"We're looking at what happpens when two worlds collide." - Quentin Williams

La Catedral: Sevilla, Spain

The Chocolate Factory: Hershey, PA

Every experience seems more surreal than the last.

After over two and a half months 'alone' in this country, making new friends from all over the United States and Spain, I am sitting in a hotel room in the center of Sevilla with my mom next to me. My worlds have collided.

While waiting in the airport for what felt like forever (but was actually only 45 minutes) I remembered something I love about the airport. The arrivals. While sitting there waiting, I felt like I was sharing some of the most tender moments of relationships. The hellos. The relief of finally being in the arms of a loved one after a period of physical separation. Honestly, I couldn't stop smiling.

Annnnnyway, I don't expect to have the same amount of time to blog this week so I thought I'd share with you now our plans for the week. Here's what's on the the docket:

What will we eat and drink?
- Croquetas from the secret bar of Molly and I. An entire ration of them :)
- Salmoreja (thick, gazpacho type soup with egg and ham)
- Patata española (potato omelet-ish delicousness)
- Magdalenas from convent
- As many pastries as possible
- Gelato from Las Rayas (Spaniard's favorite gelato shop... according to my CIEE guidebook)
- Montaditos (tiny bocadillos)
- Canasta (wine from Jerez)
- Tinto (wine and lemon soda mixture)
- Café with my señora (that will be an interesting conversation...)

What will we see?
- Alcazar Real
- La Catdral and La Giralda
- Plaza de España
- Plaza de Toros
- Univeristy of Sevilla
- María Luisa Park
- Museo de Flamenco
- Museo de Bellas Artes
- Flamenco show
- Ronda (city in Málaga)

Where will we shop?
- The food market of Triana or Calle Feria
- The ceramic shops in Triana
- Sierpes (the main shopping street)
- Charco de la Pava Flea Market
- Artistan market in the Plaza del Museo

So we have a week planned out pretty well, but also enough free time to let the wind blow us as it pleases. I think it will be an odd feeling, to be doing all the touristy stuff and living in a hotel for a week in my current home. I know I will miss my señora, my friends, and my routine. (Poor Margarita told me at lunch yesterday that she will be missing me all week....) But above all that that, I know I'm so blessed to be able to share this with a member of my family - to be able to share the city I've come to love so dearly with someone I love.

Now we just have to teach this someone some Spanish phrases so we don't scream tourist quite so much. (Man, I had just thought I was starting to blend in....) Mom's afraid that if she says 'hola' people will assume she speaks Spanish and try to talk to her. I had to tell her, "Don't worry - they will know by the way you say 'hola' that you don't speak Spanish." :)

Exoticism: my weekend in Morocco

Exoticism is a concept of double impulse: attraction and repulsion. We create the 'I' and the 'other' as generalizations of cultures. The 'I' is civilized, western, "superior", and ethnocentric. Meanwhile the 'other' is different, independent, singular in blood, and singular in culture.

The Romanticists of the 19th century focused on this exoticism, using their feelings to create an archetype that ignored facts, dates, or an objective point of view. They allowed themselves to be absorbed by the exotic, talking about the countless attractions, but all the while "knowing" that the culture was inferior.

I have to admit am having a very difficult time interpreting my experience this past weekend in Morocco. I had expected the trip to be exotic, in the Merrium-Webster definition of the word: strikingly, excitingly, or mysteriously different or unusual. What I found however, was that my feelings got involved and I was unable to keep myself from getting pulled into the double impulse of attraction and repulsion.

Attraction.

Who doesn't want to set their facebook status to something along the lines of Amber Rogers is off to Africa for the weekend? That kind of status screams countless 'likes' from friends at Hope and other CIEE students. Morocco is different than anything I've ever seen and I was able to experience it in a safe environment: a group of 30 people led by a Moroccan tour guide. I knew the cities weren't safe for a 20-year-old American college student alone, but I didn't have to worry because I was being led on a tried-and-true itinerary to markets, pharmacies, and tapestry workshops to hit all the tourist elements of Northern Morocco. Here's a brief recap:

Saturday we explored Tetuan (we traveled into the city Friday), a city founded primarily by those who were expelled from Al-Andalus during the Reconquest.

We walked through the Medina (the old section of the city - another World Heritage Site!) and saw the markets of fresh food and artisans everywhere. The smells were the most intense I have ever smelled. Every few steps it would completely change: spices to fish, fish to chicken, chicken to bread, bread to leather, leather to sweets... it was unbelievable. However, Molly and I were strictly warned beforehand by our señoras not to eat anything from the markets for fear of getting sick. Probably for the best or I may have eaten so much I definitely would've been sick.

One of a bagillion food stands.

In one of the markets they dressed a few girls up in the traditional clothing.

Then we continued into the newer part of the city, where we saw the exterior of the King's palace. This isn't the main palace but he has one in every main city in the country.

The King's palace in Tetuan.

Next we went to a holistic pharmacy where they told us about their remedies for colds, upset stomachs, scars and even snoring...

He gave us the explanation in English, Spanish, French, and German. Apparently its normal to speak at least four languages.

And don't worry, we ATE. And it was all accompanied with Coca-Cola since we couldn't drink the water. I'm sure you can imagine how upset Molly and I were.

Massive pot of vegetables and beef cooked with a delicious sauce that included cinnamon.

Salad plate of potatoes, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, olives and rice/corn mixture.

We then went for a scenic bus ride (one of many - and might I add that the roads were very windy?) that took us to the Caves of Hercules and the Cape of Espartel... where I got to ride a camel!

Molly and I insisted on riding at different times so we could be each other's photographers. We don't trust too many others with our DSLRs :)

And that was just Saturday. Sunday we woke up at 6 AM and continued onto Chefchauoan, a typical mountain city which is known for being painted all shades of blue.

One of many blue side streets.

Our cute old tour guide who kept coming up and talking to me about how I didn't need my water bottle because the water is safe to drink. Okayyyy...

In the afternoon we headed back to Ceuta to catch our swanky ferry back to Gibraltar. How did we end up in Gibraltar again? I have nooo idea.

View from the bus

Repulsion.

In less than 72 hours I traveled to 3 different Moroccan cities. It was a whirlwind of a weekend. We spent many hours on the bus and our tour guide decided to "educate" us along the way about the Moroccan culture.

Here are some tidbits of "information". I wish I could say I got it confused but I heard it twice, in English and Spanish...

- Women can wear the head covering and traditional clothing if they want or they can wear more modern clothing. Islam is about personal choice. However, if a woman's husband decides he wants her to wear the head covering or traditional clothing, she must because it says in the Koran that women must obey their husbands or they will go to hell.

- Women are not allowed to wear make-up when they go out in the street to go shopping or visit a friend. However, the husband will call her on his way home and she must put on make-up and change into a sexy dress to open the door for him when he comes home. A bikini is optional, but is normally nice.

- Men must pay a dowry for women when they get married. Its normally a lot of money but men try to get a strong woman because then the dishwasher is included. (There was also a reference in here to the women having the responsibility to keep their husbands warm... among other methods, this included waking up before everyone else to build a fire.)

- It says in the Koran that men are in charge of women.

Livid might be an understatement. I'm pretty sure this guy thought he was funny. And the worst part: people on the bus were laughing. While he claimed to be Muslim, he severely confused his machismo culture with the texts of Islam's holy book. He told us, "Don't worry, I'm not talking about European women or American women. Just our women." But his behavior was not appropriate for anyone, in any setting. He degraded women ("Okay bye, I'm going home to my slut now.") and religion, filling the minds of the people on our trip with lies but at the same time giving us a glimpse of their reality.

In Morocco they stamped my passport on the page with the following quote:

"The cause of freedom is not the cause of a race or a sect, a party or a class - it is the cause of humankind, the very birthright of humanity."
- Anna Julia Cooper


Women are not second class citizens. We are just as smart and contribute just as much to society as men. You would think the fact that women are the ones that give birth to the future society would give them more worth. But in these extremely machismo societies women are pushed to the background, a blur behind the power of the man.

As much as I wanted to love Morocco and be as excited as the other kids when I got back from my weekend from Africa, I couldn't help but be overjoyed to be back in Sevilla. Because although Spain is far from perfect as far as equality between genders goes, at least I can be independent here. For me, the double impulse is real. The newness of a different culture is intriguing and interesting, but I do hold the western culture as superior. The advancement of culture into having freedom as a birthright of humanity is superior. We were not meant to divide ourselves into groups and distribute rights according to labels. I am proud to say I am a citizen of the United States, a country that was founded on the belief (whether its being lived out or not) that all men are created equal. I pray that in the future this culture will learn justice and value each and every human being as an important element of society.

Learning Abroad

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has a purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they have all learned to live together in the same box.

This semester is not about studying as much as it is about learning. Learning who I am, learning how the world goes around, learning how to live and love another culture while not forgetting the beauties of my own.

One thing I learned about myself this semester is that I really do have a gift of being in control of myself and the situations I am in.

Example 1: When I go out with my friends at night, I normally keep an eye on my watch to make sure I'm not drinking more than 1 drink per hour. (I blame it on all those 1:1 posters Hope College put around our cluster freshman year...). My friends joke around with me, trying to explain that's not really the purpose of drinking alcohol. But I don't mind maintaining my nerdy control. Because when I walk home I am in complete control of myself and don't have to worry about being put in a compromising situation. I also haven't had to worry about showing up to my señora's apartment sick or being miserable the next day.

Example 2: When we are preparing for a trip, I am typically the one who handles the logistics and reminds everyone of the meeting point or needs for the trip. I figure out what hostel has the best location and how to get there once we arrive in the city. I help suggest museums or restaurants and normally end up directing us there. And in the end everyone is happy; we do what we want to do and they didn't have to worry about it.

Now the point of this blog post is not to brag or boast about my skill set. In fact, its the opposite. But first I needed to explain my Type A personality and how it has come into play this semester. Because though I have managed to relax my expectations and my tendency for control, I have often ended up leading the group in some way or another.

Unfortunately, in my travels this semester I was confronted with an experience that happens too often in my life. I made somebody feel stupid. My I-have-it-together personality has the unfortunate characteristic of making others feel like they are less worthy, less intelligent, or less important then me. Honestly, I don't know how to deal with this. I have never outwardly said to someone, "You're stupid" or "Get yourself together." But somehow I put off some sort of vibe that makes me inapproachable to people who are struggling.

Therefore, in this blog I want to apologize. I want to apologize to my friends, peers, and family - anyone who has felt that I have put them down as a person. Because although I choose to maintain control of myself and the situations I am in, I understand that this does not come so easily to everyone. We are all different, and differently blessed. I have met amazing people here who have the ability to make friends with anyone on the street. Or the ability to make me stop and really appreciate the moment I am in. Or the ability to make me try things I didn't think I wanted to try.

In my future as a teacher, I hope that I will learn to see these different gifts in each one of my students. The fact that I rarely struggled in school has turned out to be a great disadvantage for me because I don't really know what its like to work so hard and still not understand. I want to be a teacher who makes a difference in the lives of my students, who makes them feel good about themselves. But how can I do that for students who I have authority over if I can't even do that for my peers?


This semester has been about learning. Realizing that despite everything I know, there is so much more I don't know. I just hope that I take these lessons with me wherever I go in the world to make a long-term difference in my life and the lives of those around me.