Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Be the bridge.

For three and a half months, my blog was a regular part of my life. I constantly updated the day-to-day events, my thoughts, and pictures for the world to see. But now as I'm surrounded by all the people who read this blog, I've had little reason to add an entry. Even as I signed on, I thought I was only doing this as a farewell entry, an entry I could translate into Spanish and post to my blog for Hope College.

But as I felt the knots in my stomach, I realized this blog is just as much for me as it is for you. I can remember blogging on my tiny bed in Sevilla, laughing as Margarita teased me for uploading so many pictures of her food. But now I'm curled up in a Messiah soccer hoodie in the family room I've always known. I'm not sure whether I want to bask in the comfort of home or push myself to remember that there is so much more to the world than I can see from my comfy couch.

Thankfully, ever since I got home from Sevilla I have had a full house and a busy schedule to occupy my thoughts. It wasn't until the New Year hit that I had a day to lounge around in my pajamas with my mom and sister. Here's a brief play-by-play of my break so far:

Lots of crafts to get ready for Justin and Christy's wedding.

Christmas Eve and Christmas with my amazing family.
(This time we're passing the free time making programs for the wedding...)

Delicious meals made by my amazing mother.

Bowling bachelorette bash.

And of course, the wedding of my brother to his beautiful bride.

With some beautiful bridesmaids ;)
Check out the wedding party gifts... neon, embroidered chucks.

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of excitement and it was a blessing to have my whole family around to celebrate. But now everyone is returning to their respective lives: Mom to school, Ali to Messiah, Justin and Christy to Texas, Josh and Tami and Amaya to Ohio, and Dad to work. And in less than a week I will also be headed back to life at Hope College.

I think the return to a scheduled life, filled with students so wrapped up in their studies and futures, will bring about a realization to the ways I've changed over the past 4 months. I desire to be passionate about life, excited about opportunity, and expectant for great things to happen. I crave to learn from those around me and about myself.

But I need my friends and family to be supportive of these pursuits. I need those around me to recognize that God has finally broken through my heart and made me realize the medical career I had always envisioned is not what I was destined for. Instead, as others are beginning their MCAT studies, I will begin my own application. I am applying for the Fulbright Program, an international education program sponsored by the U.S. government and designed to, “increase mutual understanding between the people of the United States and the people of other countries.”

The process is only just beginning and I haven't decided yet which country I will apply for. The options range from Mexico to Colombia to Spain (13 in total) and I'm not sure whether I want to continue my assimilation into one culture or try to experience something new. In some ways, it would be beyond amazing to return to Spain and be able to maintain the relationships with all those I met in Sevilla. But after another year, I would just have to say goodbye again. Maybe its better to build new relationships and continue expanding my worldview. I honestly have no idea and I'm certainly open to suggestions.

Another rather important element to take into consideration is the prestige of this award. Students and professionals from across the United States apply for these scholarships and I can't expect by any means to receive it. Therefore, if anyone has information about similar programs to teach English abroad, I would appreciate the information. You can comment on the blog or pass it along to my e-mail, amber.rogers@hope.edu. The more programs I apply for, the greater my chance of getting accepted!

Last but not least, I ask those of you still reading this to pray for me as I continue through these elements of reverse culture shock. I struggle with summing up my entire life for the past semester in the short summary people want to hear. But when I try to insert stories here and there I feel like I'm boring those around me with my stories of being abroad. Please bear with me; I've hardly processed these experiences for myself, let alone for public consumption.

A friend of mine abroad had always said that this bridge in Sevilla was beautiful, no matter the circumstances. Day or night. Rain or sun or clouds. It is always beautiful.
She would tell herself, 'Be the bridge....'