24 days and butterflies

Nerves and butterflies are fine - they're a physical sign that you're mentally ready and eager. You have to get the butterflies to fly in formation, that's the trick. ~Steve Bull

Four weeks from today I will have already been through orientation and had my first overnight at my señora's home. How am I dealing with this? Oddly enough, I'm trying not to think about it.

On Tuesday I went to the public library and checked out The Spanish Civil War and Dogs of God: Colombus, the Inquisition, and the Defeat of the Moors. I'm hoping to be educated so that I am more prepared. Problem: in the back of my mind I'm still in summer mode and this isn't technically required reading. If anyone has any other ideas on how to get ready for this grand adventure, please let me know :)

This semester is going to be a true challenge for me. I never, ever, ever expected myself to be a Spanish major. I did well enough in the past, but I never felt like I could really embody the language. And now here I go, shipping myself across the big pond to a program that I prohibits the use of English except for an absolute emergency. I will not lie, I am nervous. I am scared I won't be able to communicate, I will struggle in my classes, I will get homesick, I will miss something important while I am out of the States. I guess what's why I haven't been thinking about it. Because when I really think about the next four months, I am scared shitless. Maybe not shitless, but a lot of caterpillars that were living in my stomach just underwent metamorphosis.

Thankfully, this summer has been extremely helpful in changing my attitude and general personality for studying abroad. Some mini lessons I learned from my microbiology research internship this summer:
- Have a plan, but if it doesn't work be prepared to change everything and try again. Sometimes its not about keeping everything controlled and monitoring the change. Sometimes its better to just switch everything and pray for it to work. Don't get hung up on the details and miss out on the overall process.
- If you don't have anything to do, make something up. I've done everything from alphabetizing the enzyme buffers to dusting the entire work and bench area. I don't plan on spending all of my time sitting on facebook or my blog or e-mail while I am in Spain. I hope to search out activities and involve myself in the local culture. Currently I am trying to figure out class schedules for Sevilla, Academia de Danza and Doble Giro, Escuela de Baile. Yep, I am going to be doing hip hop and flamenco. Watch out.
- Enjoy conversation, even if it is not always easy. I worked with a wonderful woman whose first language was Chinese all summer. I practiced my ESL teaching skills on her to help her improve her pronunciation and expand her vocabulary. She took my corrections with such ease and graciousness that I realized her attitude is something to aspire to. I want to be open to speaking with natives and not feel intimidated by correction. I really want to improve my Spanish and this is honestly the best opportunity for me to do so.
- Last but not least, don't stress about time. I never knew coming into work if I would be efficiently working for 10 hours or trying to stretch a half hour of work into 6. I learned to adapt and shoot from the hip. Lets just hope my type A personality doesn't return to me over the next 4 weeks :)

To sum it all up, I do not feel ready in the slightest. But each day I make an effort to become a little more free-spirited, a little more knowledgeable, and earn a little more money to spend.

Thanks to an old friend for reminding me of the ultimate support system...
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62: 5-8