Be still, my soul.

Risk more than others think is safe.

Being a young American girl in a foreign country, it seemed as if everything was a risk. I enrolled in a dance class the entire way across the city and walked home by myself at 10:30 PM twice a week. I made new friends and went to their apartment to watch fútbol or have dinner. I ventured out on my own at 1:30 AM to meet up with an española from my dance class and all her friends. I had to use my own judgment about every situation and take risks to build the close relationships I have today.

I went to Barcelona the weekend before midterms. I met up with friends on many school nights. I didn’t make homework and my classes the center of my life as I have for the past four semesters. I did the work, but I didn’t worry about it on weekend trips or when I was out with friends.

I indulged in the Spanish culture - soaking up the food, the language, and the social norms. Although there were times when I wondered if I should be holding myself back from going places by myself or studying instead of socializing, I ultimately made the decision to risk it and see what happened. And I don’t regret a single moment of it.

Care more than others think is wise.

Studying abroad put me in a situation I have struggled with before at Hope College. I was thrust into relationships that I won’t know how to maintain after next Friday. At least if I move back to Pennsylvania after graduating from Hope my friends are only a 12 hour road trip away. Here? Not quite so accessible.

Every dance class forms some sort of family. We see each other on good days and bad days, we hear each other get criticized and praised, we watch each other grow artistically and physically. The advanced jazz class at Sevilla Dance Center has provided a place for me to move, to laugh, and to just be part of the family for a semester. I had even been choreographed into their piece for their show in January, only to have to be replaced by a girl from one of other classes. It seems stupid – I’ve done countless shows in my life, most of them more sophisticated and better organized. Nevertheless, knowing I’m not going to be there with them on stage still hurts. I had to help the new girl learn my lifts and spacing, all the while wishing I could’ve just stayed in the first place.

Then there is my señora, “mi madre” for the semester and also the most adorable Spanish woman ever. She helped me when I had questions, bought her favorite dulces to share with me, and waited for me after class everyday to eat lunch together. We’ve laughed together over the fact that every American TV show that the Spaniards watch is related to murder in some way (NCIS, Cold Case, Law and Order…) and talked seriously about the cultural norms, good and bad, of Spain. I help her on a regular basis with her computer research for her adult class at the University and she lovingly tells our cleaning lady, her friends, and her daughter about her hija (daughter) who is her maestra de la ordeanador (computer teacher). Although I have a wonderful family to go back to, I know I will miss our lunches, our conversations, and the way she cares for me above and beyond the expectations of a host mother.

Also, during the second half of the semester I have spent a great deal of time with Gabri, who I met through Ramón, the intercambio of Molly, my closest friend from CIEE. (Got the connection?) He’s showed me around the city, taken me out with his friends to watch the Barcelona vs. Madrid fútbol game (Spain’s superbowl), and helped me a great deal with my Spanish. (The last part may be because he doesn’t speak any English… it’s somewhat a do or die situation). We’ve become good friends and we have a lot of fun together. But again, I’m leaving December 17^th, whether I like it or not. And it’s discouraging to know our friendship cannot truly be maintained. Communication barriers, which already exist, are doubled across Skype or Facebook messaging. Plus, Hershey isn’t exactly a weekend trip from Jérez.

Even Molly, who attends school at University of Wisconsin, will be difficult to keep track of. We have spent entire weeks together: eating, sleeping, studying, talking, and who knows what else. I plan to visit her at some point next semester before she graduates, but we won’t have the same experiences to laugh about or stories to swap about our crazy Spaniards.

But despite all of this, I dare to care. I was able to develop meaningful relationships with Spaniards, my señora, and other CIEE students. I have guarded my heart carefully for many years and although I continued to retain perspective, I didn’t hold back quite so much while making friends this semester. Now, I am trying to be thankful for the way these people have helped me grow as a person instead of sad that I’m leaving them in less than a week.

Dream more than others think is practical.

I dream that this is not the end, but rather than the beginning. I have fallen in love with Spanish, the language and the insights that can be learned from another culture. I hope that after I graduate, I have the opportunity to continue this learning experience while teaching English or teaching Science in an English school.

Right now, I’m young and free to explore the world without having to worry about many ties in the United States. Although I think it would be hard to leave my family for more than a semester, I can’t even begin to explain all the blessings and lessons I’ve encountered over such a short period of time.

I have an itch. I can no longer imagine myself in the practical, typical lifestyle right out of college. I need to see what more the world can show me.

Expect more than others think is possible.

I expect to be able to experience new things, while always remaining true to myself. I expect to experience, without concrete expectations.

I was walking down the street to the University of Sevilla the other day, wondering how in the world I even got here. A year ago I was a chemistry major - planning out my hospital volunteering, my schedule of Biochemistry and Statistics, and shadows at local offices to be the best candidate I could possibly be for medical school. How did I transform into a Spanish education student who left all her friends and family to go to Spain for a semester? I never actually expected to study abroad, but all the pieces fell in to place perfectly for me to return to my favorite city in Spain.

I don’t think a moment of this semester was an accident. I know God has had a plan for my life all along and had been pushing my buttons, trying to get me to realize that I was not meant to be a doctor. He presented opportunities for me to get involved with teaching ESL, study abroad, and apply for a scholarship program after graduation to teach. I have no idea where I am going next, but I’m no longer limiting myself to what I always imagined my life to be: grow up, go to college, get a steady job near Hershey, and get married. I’m expecting some surprises, and I don’t think I will even try to guess what they will be.

Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.

The other day I rediscovered a hymn we have used over the past 2 years with Sacred Dance. And it never ceases to amaze me how something written in the 17th century can describe utterly and completely the emotions and hopes I have today.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.