I try to say goodbye and I choke // I try to walk away and I stumble

I really wanted to write a last blog in Spain. But I decided living my life for the last 72 hours was more important.

Now its 7 AM on Thursday, my last day in Sevilla and I'm studying (rather last minute) for my 2 remaining finals. Or rather that's what I SHOULD be doing. Instead I'm balling my eyes out at an e-mail from my best friend, who has been a constant sense of encouragement this semester - reminding me to let go and enjoy, but also about the realities of coming home after study abroad. And since she has had a whole semester of study abroad blogging under her belt, I've decided to use her e-mail as my last blog post.

Thanks for everything, Jackie.
And the rest of you - I love you and I'll be seeing you soon.

it's the end of the world as we know it................ idk why that song just popped into my head. it's kind of callous though so that's not the real point of the email.

bienvenidos al lutimos dia in sevilla. thats my spangtalian for ya.

how much does it suck? probs a lot. but like I've said before, everything will be okay.

“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: rejoice!” Philippians 4:4-5

It's okay to not be ready, yet still recognize that you are having to leave. It hurts, but that is only evidence that you have lived your semester to it's fullest. The culture and the people are now a part of you, and leaving cannot undo that. Think of all you have gained. How this experience has shaped you for the better. But also think of what you have given, what you have poured into the lives of others there. Leaving is not returning to a life you once lived, instead you discover a new 'life' that blends who you have become with the community that you have always called home.

"and this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best" 1:9-10

In your adjustment, you will find what is best. What you will miss from study abroad and what you welcome whole heartedly from home. You will cherish the insight that comes from this experience, because it helps you see so much more about your own culture when you return. And it shows you that the "american way" is not the only (and often not the best) way. but you'll see that on your own, I shouldn't spoil all the fun :)

What you'll miss most probably, the people, yes the people. Those relationships will not stay the same, for sure. But, the possibilities are endless. think about it...you and me? we haven't seen each other really for a year, and we're doing pretty well :) so you don't have to just cut yourself off from the people you have grown to love-whether they are american or spanish. And even if the relationships die, there is still a joy to be found in having experienced them at all.

"he who began a good work in you will carry it through to completion" 1:6

this work is not over, spain is now on your heart, and you will be returning someday in some facet to rediscover it again, or maybe for it to rediscover you. the way they cherish people over there, I'm sure that it will be easy for us to go back for a visit someday and just fall right back into place with the people we love. I know, there is so much there that you don't want to let go of. But do not forget that the same author who wrote for you to be in spain is also writing your return to America. There is something for you here.

"The lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 4:5-6

It's okay to let down your guard a bit. I know, I know, you are a master compartmentalizer, but don't try to block out all of the anxiety. Of course, make sure you enjoy your last day, but I fear that if you stay too compartmentalized, it may just all hit you when you are back here, when the moment's gone, when you can't really tell people there how you feel, and when you are no longer surrounded by people who are experiencing the same thing. So say thank you to those who have impacted your life the most. One thing I have learned in the last semester is that when you feel inclined to say something, you should usually say it. It's like a little nudge from God.

"and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds" 4:7

He is on guard for you, so you don't have to be.

Have a wonderful day! rock that final, then enjoy. take pictures. eat as much as you want. spend all your euro. give big hugs. When you step on the plane the following day, the greatest consolation of all will be having no regrets.

I love you bestie! and I will be praying for you, it is going to be a long couple of days!

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for you I always pray with joy." 1:3